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CH-CHIGGIDY-CHECK THESE VIDS

I absolutely love Stefan Nadelman's animations. A director/animator from Portand Oregon, I've been aware of his work for a while.

Seriously, check these out. They're beautifully artistic and imaginative, rendered in 2.5D animation.
I posted the first one on Facebook a while back but if you missed it watch it. Had these two songs stuck in my head alll day.



WEAPON UPGRADE

Hi, sorry we haven't been in touch for a while. I meant to phone you, but work's been getting in the way.
You see, I got a job upgrade a while back. NEW RECORD!

Now I work at the actual Post Office counters.
What does that entail?

Lot's of fancy shit, let me tell you.

I do government services. I do people's passports, road tax, fishing licences, shit like that. Fuck knows how many lives I've destroyed with my mistakes on these official documents. I'm outta my depth haha.

I also do people's bills, their personal and commercial banking stuff and premium bonds etc. They've given a precise high financial-risk job to an incompetent retard with no understanding of financial systems lolol.

Last but not least I sell stamps, AWWW YEAAAAAH. I know all the different flavours now. Fancy stuff. I had to send a letter to PM David Cameron the other day oho.



ERGONOMICS
The ergonomics of my job are killing me slowly killing me slowly killing me softly with his song. Drawers too low that require a one sided tilt every 30 seconds, a till that is directly below my chestline meaning a real downwards crane of the neck, and I have to bend down all the time. Also I seem to be blunting my fingers with repetitive abbrasive use of touch screens. My body is slowly but surely deforming.


How do I feel about it all?

Here's the dealio: it's a stable job, it has perfect hours for me, it's stimulating beyond shop and numerical jobs, it has lots of public interaction and working a reasonable number of months in a Post Office is fantastic for CVs (especially as I've never been employed prior). Those are all things that are calling me to keep it as long as I can.

But contrairement, it's minimum wage, there's no current possibility of full time (although I'm not sure whether I want this or not, the current 25 hours are perfect), the ergonomics are killing me, and life has become pretty slow and isn't going anywhere exciting.

I want to go to Uni, but I don't know what I want to study yet. Now I was planning on maybe getting a Winter job in France/Switzerland to see if I like French enough/am competent enough to study it. But there are reasons not to abandon the job that took enough will power to get in the first place. I think I'm going to wait until November until I decide because I'm supposed to be trained up for a new responsability soon, but I fear I'll be just as indecisive when the time arrives.

Tl;dr: I'm a faggot and I sell stamps.


...


....STOP THE PRESS!!! Since the time of writing I've been offered full-time 9-5 every day and I perhaps too foolishly accepted. Rivers of moolah but no soul and no free tiem

Oh Lord the things I get myself into.

GET RICH OR DIE TRYING

Hi guys.
So, after spending some time pretending to work in a shop for no money, I figured it might be an idea to, y'know, ACTUALLY work in a shop for real money.

I blitzed out some CVs (full of lies) one fine day and the next day I got a response from the Post Office. Now I've got a job there.

INTENSEBAMBOO GETS HIS FIRST JOB, GETS MONEY, GETS PAID

So currently I just work in the shop bit, selling wool, stamps, stationary, food, lottery tickets and scratchcards. You wouldn't believe how much people waste on that gambling shit.

On my first day alone on the tills turns out I overcharged £300 on wool oops lol

I'm a pro now

INTENSEBAMBOO PROFILES HIS RETAIL AUDIENCE

So I get a few regulars. Most notably Irish Coronation man, Maria and Gambling Jane.


Maria is a shrivelled 73 (I'm guessing) year-old Italian/Romanian/Dracula woman with glasses and a bony nose. She's a nice enough woman but I made the mistake of telling her my name. Now everytime I see her (everyday for about an hour when she keeps buying scratchcards, scratching them, buying more, scratching, rinse, repeat) she says "Hello. Goot to see you." and repeats over and over again "Lee you are very nice" in a worrying tone of voice that I fear is an attempt at coming on to me.

Gambling Jane is annoying and comes at the most inconvenient times. She's a fat shaven haired lesbian convict woman who actually went to prison and my half-boss Del the Funky Homosapien tells me she's "completely ripped people apart" inside the shop before. Not someone I want to get on the wrong side of. Apparently she doesn't like being called Jane but rather prefers "James".



She comes in the shop for hours at a time, buys a £20 wad of scratchcards, wins nothing, buys another £20 pound wad, wins £3, buys another £20 wad, wins nothing, buys another £20 wad, wins £7 etc. She pushes in and holds up queues no end.

Yesterday Gambling Jane came in and stopped me from flirting with a cute Italian girl and then held me up until cute Italian girl had to leave :<
FUCK YOU GAMBLING JANE! >:U


Cute Italian girl still went out of her way to say bye to me though. Fuck yeaaaaaaaaaah

Fun facts I've learnt at work:
-Posh people don't know what landscape means.
-Half the population of Boscombe have wonky eyes.
-The Queen's coronation anniversary is June 2nd.
-I should leave my job and become a surveyor like Mrs. Customer's husband.
-My half-boss has a catchphrase. "There are cheaper ways to kill yourself."

If I bring in some references I get a job upgrade. Fuck yeaaaaaaaaah.

Yesterday I got paid for the first time ever and now
I'M ROLLING AROUND IN MONEY. MINIMUM WAGE AWWWW YEAAAAAAH


Me enjoying my new found wealth

But my boss is giving me the wrong minium wage lol. £1 more an hour than I should get. Waheeey.

I'm off the dole now. Got this job just in time 2 days before they were going to send me on a compulsory 2 week "how to write a CV and go to interviews" course with violent unsavoury characters/dolescum lolol.

Farewell Welfare :<

I AM TRAPPED IN A HOUSE OF THE LIVING DEAD AND IF THE SUGAR HILL GANG RELOOPS ONE MORE TIME THROUGH THE FLOORBOARD IMMA KILL SOMETHING RARARRRGHHGHGH





BONUS ROUND
Here is an image I found very informative
INTENSEBAMBOO JOINS THE ARMY
On some Tuesday some time I went to a field in the middle of nowhere to be an extra in a film for my pal Director Toby Dale.

I was a soldier along with aj and Byrom. This involved lots of shooting, dying, and falling. Also lots of rolling down hills for lulz. Pew pew pew.


The effects on that shit are siiiick.

Get the full scoop here:
(Our action scenes from 6:30 onwards)


INTENSEBAMBOO VS. GIANT CRAB
Made a giant crab sand sculpture on the beach for the Landcrab Film Festival got a free burger talked about Badass Neil Buchanan and Pokémon etc.


Pretty self-explanitory.

THE ONE WHERE CHANDLER DOESN'T LIKE DOGS

One fine evening I was chilling when I got a phonebizzle call asking if I wanted to go to a random free gig in Portsmouth due to friends with tickets being unable to go. At first I was apprehensive at the short notice and usual difference in music taste between me and my friends. With a deadline to leave at the short notice of 5 minutes away, I went with the answer of Yes.

AND BOY, I DO NOT REGRET IT. I went to see a chap called Frank Turner (who I'd never heard, but I'd heard a couple of loose acquaintances speak highly of him). Man alive, his live performance was one of the most energetic ones I've ever seen. I found myself picking up the choruses and singing along. He's a guy from Winchester with roots in Bournemouth, which made the atmosphere in the crowd all the more awesome. The beardy support acts were ace too.

A++ would see again. One of the best concerts I've been to (and one of the most organic).

Project SHOP (FT. INTENSEBAMBOO)

I'm going to be "working" in a cardboard shop for a couple of hours on Friday for the OutsideIN Collective's latest art project. A shop where all the products and props are made from cardboard. Original-design counterfeit money is going to be given out so people can go in and buy stuff.


"THIS is the idea...
'Shop' will be a unique and totally immersive art event. We are taking over a local disused shop and creating a playful interactive performance within it.

'Shop' will be filled with the inner workings of your average retail store, aisles and aisles of different products and shop assistants stacking shelves. However the 'Shop' experience is sure to be anything but average. The products are all hand made from cardboard and range from the mundane to the surreal. As you walk through 'Shop's doors you are given a new currency and invited to purchase highly imaginative items that are unavailable elsewhere. 'Shop' is completed by its employees, from the bubbly and helpful, to the bizarre and confrontational. Through this framework, and the many different items 'Shop' will offer, we aspire to captivate the high street audience. Whether it is a five-year old girl who is happy to be playing shop with her mum and taking home a 'Unicorn Licence' or a student who likes the humorous word play and satirical nature of 'Diet Fat'. This art event is designed to be as inclusive as the subject matter it self. We want young and old, art lover, critic or apathetic passer by to engage, have fun and question the experience of being a consumer in our society.
"

EARLY BETA VERSION last year:


Sounds amazing. I'll let you know how it works out.

IMPORTANT NEWS

Sorry for the absense (I'm not really sorry), but I've been busy for the past month being cool and stuff.

But I felt compelled to come here to tell you all the exciting news.

I HAVE A NEW OVEN.

Spread the word. Only good things can come of this.


Let the good times roll!

Relicanth

Today Milli and I were sat on a bench in an English country garden, staring at some highrise snipers and talking about zero memory nonlinear transformations of gaussian processes, when we were accosted by a woman.

She decieved me from the offstart, weaving her Christian magic to appear to be in her early twenties at first glimpse, only to turn out to be in her late 40s, 50s or possibly double jeopardy at 100 on closer 4chan-comic-style inspection.
The first thing I thought when she approached us with a clipboard and a friendly attitude was "O lawd, it's another one of the Dianetics women trying to sell me Scientology." But on her clipboard was a sheet saying "Multiculturalism," and being a CITOYEN DU MONDE, I was all over that shit.

She proceeded to ask us questions (HMMMM, MUCH LIKE A SCIENTOLOGIST WOULD) from the "multiculturalism" sheet about religion, starting off with Hinduism, then Islam, then Judaism. She asked a question about a God quote where one of the multiple-choice answers was L. Ron Hubbard. I informed Milli that he was the man that invented Scientology, to which the woman replied which strong conviction

"I think he was the man who made the Hubbard Telescope".

Then finally she arrived at a Christian question at which point she dropped everything and went intense (in a bad way, rather than a bamboo way). She ridiculed me for believing in evolution scoffing at the idea that "my grandfather was a bit of dirt". She told us that Milli was a liar and that I was a theif for stealing a 1p sweet when I was 4 years old and that we would both BURN IN HELLLL, with a mindless smile on her face and a cheery weathergirl voice.



The more we spoke, the more she revealed how malevolent, tyrannical, masochistic and vengeful her God was, genuinely trying to back up her claims of how loving her God was with immediate expansions of "and that's why he's sending everybody to Hell" who doesn't obey his pointless hateful archaic discrimination policy of VENGENCE.



She refused to deviate away from her doctrine, not willing to discuss or even entertain the thought that someone might have a simliar but slightly different view. For her, she and ONLY she knew what God wanted and everyone else was doing it wrong, and my opinions on what my benevolent God would want were wrong.

It's a shame when a few crazy nutcases like this come and publically prostitute their crazy ideas and ram them down your throat, because they stand out far more than everyday regular normal Christians who see their religion for what it actually is as a FAITH rather than parading it as a VENDETTA.

But it's all cool, that bitch was wearing clothes made from at least two different types of material, so according to the Old Testament she's coming straight with us to Hell to join the party.

We were given leaflets about the Church, so I'm considering maybe going along to ask really awkward question or just troll them lols.

The crack of a twig was heard up ahead. We snapped our heads to the direction it came from. As soon as I did my breath was taken away at who was standing only feet away from me. He was absolutely gorgeous in every aspect. His hair was a coppery color with a bit of a tint of an orange and slightly curled tips and it was a bit messy. It was very vibrant against his white skin that seemed to be as smooth as marble. But that was nothing compared to his gold eyes that had a tint of light honey color, they were so smooth they semmed to be like liguid. "Hn. Edward Cullen." Mike grunted softly, but loud enough for him to hear. 'So this is Edward Cullen...' I thought. Man he looked like a god.

"Hello... Mike." Edward said. Oh my god. I thought that his looks were enough to take my breath away. But man oh man was I wrong. I voice sounded like velvet. But a bit of a harshness towards Mike. It seemed pretty clear that these two did not like each other at all. The tension between them both seemed that you could cut it with a knife it was so thick. I shivered slightly. The guy named Edward looked over at me and made eye contact. Oh...I'm defiantly in heaven now. Those eyes are so~gorgeous.

He seemed to have a bit of strained look on his face when he was looking at me, but it disappeared - Bonus Points For Tricking You Into Reading Through Some Terrible Twilight Fanfic You Faggots - quickly. "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. You are Ryan Hendrickson, correct me if I'm not.", his voice was filled with charm and boy was it working on me.

MY GOD WHAT IS THIS (;゚Д゚)

So last year I went on hoilday to France.
One night, I was in our cottage in the middle of nowhere, sat alone in the dark flicking through the French and German TV channels about people's opinions of cheeses.
Anyway, after a good period of time flicking, this giant grotesque face jumped out at me from the silhouette of darkness in the cottage.
The more and more I watched this, the more and more I was disturbed. I speak no German, so I couldn't understand a word. I felt incredibly scared and uncomfortable watching this shouting mad block gradually lose his mind and stare right into my soul as I sat in alien settings in the dead of night.
It won't give you the same experience watching it on Youtube as I got in the environment I was in, but it might give you some idea how fucking hellish it was.


Watch video 2 if you want to skip straight to some intensity.





This just looped over and over and over and over again all night, this guy never managing to escape from his hellish blank prison.


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Nizlopi - BOTY

I really love how Nizlopi interact with their audience. They're my favourite band at the moment. If they return from hiatus, I definitely have to see them live.

PLUS THEY DON'T EVEN WEAR SHOES WHEN THEY PERFORM
And the double bassist beatboxes.








And I’m celebrating the fact that we’re not all built one way
It’s way cool with me if you turn out to be gay
There’s fascists behind different faces today
Some wear suits, some sing Hip Hop and Reggae

It’s amazing to me how slow progress is
Will the world be more just when I’m singing this to my kids?
Or will they be like “hey Dad I’ve gotta say
The world’s even more fucked up now than it was in your day”

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Isolation

---DOTTED WITH PICTURES FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE TO DISTRACT YOU FROM THE GRATUITOUS WHINING---

I'm feeling increasingly isolated.



As time goes by, I notice more and more how I differ from my peers. Different values, priorities, interests. I'm increasingly put in situations where I don't know how I'm supposed to react but I'm expected to. I have trouble relating to certain façons of this culture, and my friends are not shy to point out I don't fit in with the dynamics of the rest of humanity.
I used to think I had a good idea of what makes up a person's identity, but recently people have been asserting that the most important part of the identity (a part I never considered to be important) is a part I don't seem to have. This forces me to question my validity as a person and my entire identity. Doesn't feel good man.


My brother and old school friends have moved off to Uni, my sister is always out, my Mother is dead, and all links to my past are fading. I just want to get the hell out of here and start a new life and identity in a far away land.

I'm 100% certain that if I went to University, I could have found people I could truely connect with. But being an absolute idiot, I can't go to Uni for another year and a half.

I do appreciate my current friends a lot and if it weren't for them I would probably end myself, but I lack any meaningful interaction in my life. And being impossible to have a relationship with leaves any form of emotional intamacy unacheivable. I just want to be normal.



Sorry for being a faggot, I just wanted to get that off my chest.
BAWWWWWWWWWW

obama-painting10.jpg



I'm lot happier now January's over. Hope is restored.
-EMOTIONAL AMNESTY-
I'm abandoning all old grudges against individuals. Starting afresh.

OH HELLO DEEPAK CHOPRA



Anyway, on Saturday I went for breakfast to this local bohemian café I've been wanting to go to, and it did not disappoint.



The light shades were made of old coffee cups, the walls were covered with modern paintings and graffitos and the toilets were Armitage Shankwell. I even half-stepped into the women's toilet to look around, breaking convention due to uncontainable excitement.

The atmosphere was amazing. I was sat on a table opposite some pretty French girls, eavesdropping on their intellectual French conversation, no doubt about politics, philosophy, protests and prehistoric prosauropod plateosaurus. I may as well have been in France. I wanted to light up a cigarette, scrawl some original philosphy in a notebook while fingering my mustache, and adjust my beret.

The food was crazy cheap! AND SO HARDCORE XXX AMAZING. 2 meals for the price of 1 before 9.30 (FUUUUUUUU-), ethically sourced, and more generous than a fiscal stimulus package.

The café was run by an entirely young staff who put great care into the food. Now, I'm not a food snob, far from it, but the food was presented with such artistry that I almost didn't want to move it.



I ordered Canadian pancakes (because they had 'Canadian' in the name), where the banana slices were actually COOKED IN the pancakes in some kind of integrated mutually parasitic relationship.
I FUCKING LOVE YOU CANADA.

They gave THREE HUGE PANCAKES THE SIZE OF A MATURE EIDER AND A WHOLE POT OF SOME SYRUP STUFF. YES, I CAN SENSE YOUR DISBELIEF. Some joker put butter on them, but I soon took control of the crisis. This is the first time I've ever bought food out and been given so much that I couldn't eat it all. And at a crazily low price.

I also ordered a drink called ROCKET FUEL. Truth be told be[sic], I didn't actually read the ingredients but when you're presented with a drink called
ROCKET FUEL
you can't chose anything else. Turns out it was caked to the brim in caffiene and coffee, like, pure concentration of the stuff. More than enough to take down an elephant. Needless to say, it tasted awful, but I don't regret it for one minute
BECAUSE IT WAS GOD DAMN ROCKET FUEL
I'm going to be buzzing for weeks to come from all that caffeine.


Also, I ate some leaves.


Best café adventure ever.

Consumerism

I'm getting a desktop PC to play video games and replace my laptop (unless someone can convince me to get an XBox 360).

I'm looking out for decent PCs so if any catch your eye or you have any suggestions, give me a buzz.

Tags:

This is an Art Attack

Haha, I just found a couple of drawings I drew several years ago.

This is one of them.
Ahaha, my nose is spot-on!


-BLANK STARE- is written above my head.

ahahahaha, oh wow.

http://www.sphere.com/politics/article/sarah-palin-signs-deal-with-fox-news/19312256
Fox News viewers will be seeing more of Sarah Palin soon. The former Republican vice presidential candidate is going to be a contributor on the network.

"I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News," Palin said in a statement released shortly after The New York Times broke the story Monday. "It's wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news."
fair and balanced news
fair and balanced news



LOLOLOLOLOLOL

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Them scientists.


Brb, gotta revise lololol

India's View on Freerunning

So I was watching Slumdog Millionaire and then I decided to watch some Indian TV, and I found this interesting clip of an Indian perspective on UK Freerunning so I decided to upload it.

Things I want to do in Twenty One Zero

.
.
.
.

In 2010 I want to:

1. Go somewhere abroad without a responsible adult.
2. Do some tasteful graffiti (make some political stickers or stencil)
3. Attend a culture jamming event.
4. Vote.
5. Go to a national frizzlerun jam.
6. Draw shit.
7. Get back into the vidya after a 6 year absence.
8. Get a job.
9. Do some volunteer work.
10. Go to another protest or march.
11. Go hammock rambling in the UK.
12. Get more contacts outside of Bournemouth.
13. Sneak into some lectures.
14. Sneak into some abandonned buildings.

Let's do this.

some ppl dont read my blog

if u dont even know wat Enviro-Bear 2000 is, ur no friend of mine

BROKO OBAMA

Okay, so a week or so ago I was Google image searching for "Princess Obama" as you do. And I found this amazing piece of art. This is my desktop background, and would be Scott's if the man had any decency. Drawn by a 5-year old.



Also,

From Dahlia's three-year-old Sopher, a piece showing a triumphant Obama and a dead John McCain. Dahlia's description of the artist at work:
It was slightly awkward because he drew it in synagogue and was just putting the final flourishes on it when the rabbi walked by and asked sweetly what it was."Dead John McCain" elicited a very unrabinnical silence.


Apparently that's a basketball.



I might have my own go at drawing broko later.
You should too.

MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

Crisis averted, J-Broe and I killed enough zombies to avoid catching Mexican Flu.

But that's not the end of the story, OH NO. This is where our story really begins.

Okay, so I was walking home from Southbourne at about 1:40 in the morning and the streets were empty. No cars driving, and no people about. So I decided to play a Byrom-inspired mindfuck game where humanity had been converted to zombies and I was the only survivor. Any car that passed was a millitant robotic being, possibly a construct of an alien race that had released the virus in the first place. If you looked at the car, it would know you were there and immediately kill you.



Anyway, after a fun journey of trying to move as quietly, stealthily and inconspicuously as possible, I came onto a road that had a zombie wandering half way down it. Not being too keen on having my spleen ripped out, I carefully ninja'd my way down the road, making sure I wasn't seen by him. As I observed him, I noticed he was drifting from the left side of the road to the right and back again. At first, I thought he was just drunk. But as I watched, I realised he was systematically crossing to try the car doors, in attempt to find one which hadn't been locked. Suddenly, this man was far more interesting than a mere zombie.
He was a car thief.
I cautiously walked towards him, still in stealth mode, and readied myself to chase him and shout if he happened to find an unlocked car. I even took my harmonica from my pocket and brandished it in a consealing way that made it look like a flickknife. I was prepared to threaten this man if need be. That's what violent vidya games do to you, kids.
So I stood watching him for a couple of minutes from behind a wall. He came to the end of the road having not succeeded, and disappeared down a footpath that led to a field. At that point, I stood easy and carried on home.

This may not be an uncommon sight to you Winton ruffians, but it's a CRIME OF THE CENTURY in Christchurch. And I was prepped to pounce. Lucky for that bugger I didn't leap into action, eh? I could've obliterated him.



Oh, and then I did battle with a Tyrannosaurus rex and lost 4 pints of blood over an intense 7 hour fight, owing my surivival to a rare mountain plant and a recovering alcoholic chemist.
True story bro.

The End.

Priorities

I want to write a blog post for you. I really do.
But I have a duty to humanity to go play some more Left4Dead and defend you all against the zombie hoardes.

Stay strong.
God be with you.
You have my sword.
And my bow.
AND MYYY AXXXE.

how do I shot tape?

This guy is a true modern Spiderman and an AMERICAN HERO

What a productive night

While Andrew Gee is none of these things, this is how I like to perceive him.



Mad paint skillz
I need to smack copyright signs all over that shit.

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2012 Olympics: A Prelude

Yeah, so all this crazy shit is going on in Vancouver in anticipation of the 2010 Winter Olympics, and I'm thinking I want to get in on the act at the 2012 London Olympics. Likely to be a once in a lifetime thing, yo yo.



So, I figure I'm gonna try and get tickets for a London Olympic event, and maybe volunteer for the Weymouth/Portland Olympic events. I'll have to keep my eyes peeled next year and stay on top of the Olympics news.

If anyone wants to JOIN ME in this endeavour, give me a shout.



This post reminded me of Mayor of London, Boris Johnson and his embarrassing antics at the Beijing Closing Ceremony in '08 (God, was it really that long ago?).
I was watching him on Mayor's Question Time a couple of nights ago and it was a complete lollercaust. London, you're either complete idiots or the ultimate trolls. I like to think the latter.

Ken Livingstone, I never thought I'd miss you so much

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